hey there, day three :D

Ya'll.. I have seriously got to get out of this rut of thinking I don't need to keep my room tidy. Oie veh. I guess I figure since I'll be leaving for sweet Daytona Beach Wednesday morning (ah :)) that I don't need to put away my belongings because I'll be packing them. That thought is a disaster waiting to happen. 

Either way, I cannot believe leaving for Summer Beach Project is so soon! It just snuck right up on me.. Gosh, but I feel so ready. God's really made it even more clear that this is where he wants me this summer--he's calmed my heart, settled my mind, and pushed away any doubt. Funny how satan tries to get so many little insecurities to prevent my genuinely enjoying the preparation for this outreach. But you know what? I won't, I refuuuuuuse to let him worry my life away:)

I feel like I've talked to a good many people who've gone with this program to get their takes on SBP, and still I have no earthly idea what to expect. I know it's going to be intense, but I also know His love is going to be thriving. Absolutely thriving:) I love it. 

Maybe I should explain why I..er, God actually, chose to send me to outreach with this awesome team-- 

I have always loved the Lord. I grew up in a christian home, filled with tons of love. I always kind of lived according to fitting into this idealistic image, though. Becoming what others wanted of me, what others expected, selfish ways, and a failed attempt to be perfect became my idol. Naturally, my morals and values have been tested over the years, and even more natural was my choice to sin. Now, I could have probably lived with the sin that began erasing my values one by one, but something just didn't sit right; my heart literally grew weary, and it felt this way every minute I turned to the things of this Earth to revive it. So, as sweet, sweet(ha) freshman year of college came around, I was again tested, again failed, and the cycle continued, until it just clicked. This was not the life planned for me. This was not me. And suddenly I realized it wasn't meant to be about me anymore; it wasn't that way in the first place. 

--I like this quote from Breaking Free, " God knows exactly what went wrong, exactly where the cracks are in the foundation. He was there, remember? He was completely God then, and He is completely God now"-Beth Moore

I began to sort-of grasp what it meant to truly follow God, but never quite got it until this past year (not to say I don't have so, so much to learn). I've come to understand that..

love is not selfish, not in any form or fashion-- kind of a no brainer, huh? But still, it was a struggle. Speaking of, the struggles are God in His finest hour:), no? We come to Him on our knees, knowing there is no where else to turn. What a beautiful mess:)Just because I love him does not mean I am free to live a life without some serious pain, grief, and failure. It also doesn't mean I'm free from being held accountable for sin. Yes, he loves me, and he forgives me when I confess my nuuuumerous sins daily, but it doesn't mean I'm off the hook by any means--there's going to be consequences, just like any other mistake I might make. Oh, lately I've for sure learned the importance behind reading the Bible. Gosh, what a difference it makes. Ya'll, it's God's life:) It's our one way to meet Him, get to know Him, and learn to be like and love like he did and continues to do. mm:) Ah, and prayer. Just meditating on Him and talking to Him is truly awesome. Not to mention how powerful and real it is. 

The real point I knew I absolutely could not just sit and dwell in His love without reaching out to others came this past sememster. I was lazy in faith and much too comfortable; comfortably dull-- in spirit, heart, and even love. Doors were opened, many were slammed right in my face (haha, thank you Lord for getting me throuuuugh), but I signed up for Beach Project, and then found this bible verse in Jeremiah; ah, I love it--

 "But if I say, " I will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot" (Jer. 20:9)

and so, here goes nothin'..and by nothing, I mean somethin'--a whoooole lotta' somethin:)

ps. pieces of joy coming tomorrow, it's 12:17 at night..wayyyy past my little bedtime, haha, gosh I'm such a grandma.

his love:)

Day 2:)

loooungin' in the sweet new apt with my tae. we're both facebook stalking..it's a burden. so I decided to turn to blogging, which isn't much better, is it? haha, whoops:)

hm, lots of joy to note.

i'm not very good at keeping track of the days, so I may just combine a few here and there. either way, it's joy, people! 

1) girl time

2) roomie feasts of rotissarie chicken, green beans, rolls, cheesy rice and brocoli, mash potatoes, and spilling barbecue sauce everywhere while trying to shake the(open)bottle. haha, yes.

3) volleyball in the sand with goofballs. Taylor in particular with her sweet sound effects. And mandy's sweet backwards fall...not to mention my falling every second the ball managed to make contact with my forearms.

4) driving my sister to school this morning and her not being able to unlock the door, hehe:)

5) trying to half-hug my dad without touching any of his scars/wounds. Talk about an awkward hug, haha. I love it.

6) trying to paint a heart on my phone with barbie pink nail polish and failing miserably multiple times. Note to self: fingernail polish remover DOES in fact work on cell phones.

7) writing thank you notes, and having written the words in straight lines:) thank you very much!

8) taylor's laughter

9) setting my ringtone as 'earth mamma' -- is there even a song named that?..I sort of hope not, for the artists sake.

10) Jason coming to visit tomorrow:)

11) late night (10 o'clock being late..) chats with sweet mandy and em. 

12) kirk shaving off his mo, i mean, FOhawk. Thank you, Lord.

:)

ah, and bonus piece of joy 13) Sam sleeping with ear plugs, ahahah...i'm talkin the ear plugs you wear to Nascar races.

why stop at 13?.. if this isn't joy, I don't know what is: 14) Deut. 14 "...Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you to be his treasured posession." is that not awesome? gosh.

be seeing you- 

his love.

ps. dad is doing great after the surg. thanks for checking in on him:)

Day 1 O' Joy

totally stealing this from sweet Mandy Boddy, but thought it was a cute idea. Atleast for the last week-ish I'll be able to use a computer daily. :) each day i'll list 6 pieces of joy:)or more. I probably already have that many for today, and it's only 1:28 PM. Do I have to wait until night-time to list them? maybe i'll cheat, just this once:) 2 posts in one day perhaps?.. wow. Getting just a tad obsessed with all this social-networking, aie?

so here we go for the first half of today:)

pieces of j-o-y

1) my alarm going off at 7:50 am, and getting to turn it off without even worrying about an official wake-up time (slept in till 9:15, mm!)

2) drinking coffee and reading on the back porch. oh, and eating raisins

3) writing 3 pages in my journal, and finding only a few pages to be left

4) trying on a bunch of 80's one piece bathing suits of my mom's for Summer Beach Project, ahaha.. definitely some humor there. i like laughter with mom:)

5) gettings texts from my little sister asking how dad has been doing after the surgery. her heart's a big one.

6) listening to By Your Side by tenth avenue north. it's a pretty popular song, er atleast i think so, but the lyrics are great:) i'll post 'em.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

mm:)

hislove.

castaway

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

hm.

sitting in the hospital room with my dad right now, almost ironic considering last night's finale of Greys Anatomy. he had to have an emergency surgery on his poor little appendix. the dang thing almost ruptured, but all's well now...just lying there sleeping, and sleeping,...and sleeping. 

this is such a weird experience for me though, i've never seen my own father like this--so..vulnerable, really. even though he's going to be fine, it's just a scary thing. watching someone you love so much kind of being helpless. 

 

mom is resting on the sweet, stiff couch. she's been up since 1 am last night with him. "in sickness and in health" she loves him. :)and i love that.

 

this morning i woke up to a text from mom (never thought that day would come) that said " dad in hospital, surgery at 8:30". probably my least favorite text..ever. so, packed my things, grabbed a yogurt, and hit the road..in my pjs. i don't think i've ever felt so..anxious before on a ride home. it was like this sense of urgency to get here as fast as i possibly could. 

all safety measures aside, i did exactly that. made record time, too:)

 

i couldn't decide if i was scared, worried, anxious, unsure--maybe a mixture of the bunch, but either way i wasn't in control of this situation. really, i shouldn't be in control of any situation. God had it, and still has it. 

 

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17     ...yeaaah, he's got it:)

his love.

 

Freeeeedom

February 19 was my last entry--Today's date is March 29. So much for keeping up with this blog, ha. A lot has happened over a month. Or atleast I feel like it did, but now I can't think of a single thing. mm,mm.. funny.

Snow happened(believe it or not!). And then two weeks later Spring break came and went; faster than I'd hoped, but it was great none-the-less. Went to Chapin, South Carolina 

with Jules to visit with her precious little family. And when I say precious, I mean it. :) Feel like only a few days with them taught me how to genuinely appreciate, cherish, and love the ones who surround you. I forget that sometimes; as sad as that might sound.But it's true. 

God's really beginning to show me the importance of family and friends. It's something you'd think I would have grasped by now. They build me up, I knock

em' down. It can be something as little as not making time to chat with someone, even if it's a simple phone call.  

Really, how completely straining can that be? Or casually writing a phone call home off until way late at night, when I know I hit the hay by twelve, and will probably be semi-unconscious throughout a majority of the conversation. I'd say it's about time to grow up on my part. 

But like Beth Moore says in her book Breaking Free, 

'He never sheds light on our weaknesses or shortcomings for the sake of condemnation (Rom 8:1) 

He makes us aware of hindrances so he can set us free.'

I like that :)

Okay, got to wrap this entry up. Tomorrow's the first day back from break. Only five weeks left until finals. Oh gosh, only FIVE WEEKS LEFT. Seriously time, quit flying by.

his love.

ps. the photo was taken in Charleston, SC-- I liked the heart carved into the concrete, so thought I'd snap a pic, and when I posted it, a friend noticed it had ' All you need is love ' written above it. Sweet:) 

betta expect it

Walked outside this morning expecting the norm chilly weather that was supposed to head in by the end of this week, dressed in my big West Virginia Mountaineers sweatshirt and jeans, and lone behold-- beaaaautiful weather :) perfect, really. I might even say I'm a little toasty in this winter-inspired get-up. 

Sitting in Atkinson Hall right now. It's only..8:44 AM. Funny how there's so many less people on campus at this hour; come 9:30...10, this hall will be jammin.

So as I sit here people watching, or rather, procrastinating from doing this midterm essay, a podcast is playing in the backround. I just recently began downloading podcasts of sermons, but it's a really sweet way to start, end, or get ya through the day. Or atleast for me it is.

This podcast (Expect Good Things) is talking about expectation in our lives. And how instead of really enjoying life, being aggressive, and not dwelling on our failures, our future, our fears, we should live in faith. Live knowing God will turn around any situation we're put in. 

"Don't go around expecting the worst".

Sounds so simple, but Lord knows I do exactly that. It's almost as if it's an easier let down when you just prepare yourself for the worst. I wonder if I can even consider that I'm living when I treat life like I don't have this  rock and foundation under my feet, every second of every day.

Some other scripture mentioned in the Podcast that I really liked:

Psalm 30:5 "God's favor is not for a season, it's for a lifetime. It doesn't come and go."

Deut. 28  " if we obey god's commands and keep him first place,  his blessings will chase us down and overtake us"

That's a pretty great visual. That they will actually chase us down.  Almost a little humbling that He actually has to CHASE me down.  I fill my life with so many distractions, I know He would literally have to chase me to get my attention.. hello, wakeup call.

just a few things to keep in mind. don't be hard on yourself, expect that good things will happen no matter the sitch....uation :)

--Speaking of good things, Mom  and my precious sis are coming down to visit today, and they're  bringing Jenna and Mrs. Katie with them. I'm so pumped. Maaaajor blessing:).

Well, off to Law class, and then cheer practice. We're performing our routine this Saturday at the homecoming game. This team's got heart. I like it

:)

hislove,

kel.

unfamiliar much?

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths… I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16 

 

Running. This is something I really, really enjoy--  I love to run with other people just as much as I love running on my own. Jules and I run the same route whenever we go together. The exact same path, and that is no exaggeration. We start by going left out of our cute Green houses' driveway, then venture towards downtown. We cross the street at the same spots, trudge up the same HUGE hill by The Grove Apartments, and chat about the same cute houses we'd love to go inside and explore one day along the way.

 

When Jules and I trained for the half marathon last semester, we ran this same route so many times it became  a blur before long. Even when I would run on my own, I could not bring myself to turn right out of our driveway rather than the norm left. So what's the deal? "It's just a little turn," I'd tell myself, swinging left and setting my watch as I headed downtown at that very same moment. 

 

So, this past Saturday morning I went on the what's now become a rare occasion, a run on my lonesome. A time when I used to love just taking in God's glory through nature; alone time to just chat it up with Him and really dwell on whatever it is that was heavy on my heart. I was almost scared to run on my own this past weekend, afraid to trust him with my deepest thoughts. 

 

Naturally, I started out left out the driveway, downtown came and went, passing the antique stores (and my favorite SCOOPS:) But as I managed to survive the giant hill later in the run through just talking to Him, I became aware of my inability, actually-- no, He can give me the ability, but my stubborness and refusal to trust God completely; to allow whatever insecurities I had about myself, and about veering off my usual running path to just rest in Him. He's in total control, totally. And he's going to lead me down unfamiliar paths, but where this is where my heart plays into his plan. We have to find strength through faith and ultimately trusting that he will light the way, he knows what is best, and he is with us.

 

And so, as my body recooped from the giant hill, I would usually keep on keepin' on straight down the sidewalk. But I found myself  running at a right angle. Actually, a 90 degree angle.. I was turning right for the first time...ever. It was great, too! The scenery was atleast ten times prettier, and I felt a closeness I hadn't felt while running in a long time. Almost like He was proud of me or something. Whatever it was, I managed to trust him, even if I had tripped and fallen down this new path, I was confident in that somehow he'd bring good out of it because I'm constantly being tested, and he's teaching me every step (literally) of the way.

 

So in life, let's trust that God knows. Be confident and secure in that he already has our lives planned out; each and every detail. And live peacefully because he's going to bring wisdom, strength, and truth out of every situation we're placed in. Even if it is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. He'll won't forsake us along the way..He's with us, always. So, Just trust, ya hear? :)

 

his love,kel.