and we're off..

leaving at 8 am for Daytona Beach:) 

pray pray pray

Life is beautiful

God is good

Friends are warm

and packing is poop

--my day in a nutshell.

his love.

Bitter Sweet

Spending my last few moments here at home before heading back to Milledge. We're leaving Wednesday morning, I think I've mentioned that probably eighty times, and so eighty-one ought to be enough:) 

I cannot believe this will be my last day at home for 2 months. It's really starting to sink in, and though my norm reaction would be to kind of, definitely freak out, I won't this time. No sir-ee, Bob.

I'm just really really very excited. And nervous. But mostly excited:) It's an odd experience not knowing what you're getting yourself into, but it's nice to let Him take it, and run with it for once. 

My dumb cell phone died. That does not fall under the pieces of joy list. 

But we're going to check out the cingu, I mean, AT&T store to see if there's any deals. If not, I'll make do with a phone from 1999. Yes.

The lake was great yesterday. Played in the rain. Jumped in the fishy water. Ate some deeelish barbecue. And hugged some of my favorite people:)

..Those were all joy, if you didn't catch that ;)

Also joy- I walked upstairs last night to find my little sister, Bay, sitting up in her bed with the light on. I asked her what the heck she was doing, ha, and she said she was waiting for me :) So I got to sleep with my sweet baby sister for my last night. Gosh, I'll miss seeing her grow up the next two months. 

Packing Kirk's guitar that I never got a chance to learn to play to take with me for Beach Project. Doubt I'll have time to learn, but what've I got to lose besides a little corner space in our room?

mm hmm.

Well. This might very well be my last post before heading out, but I'll pretend it's not.

.. If it is, I'll try to check in soon. Be praying, please:) I know some awesome stuff is going to happen down there.

I Peter 2:2, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."

his love.

Empty Handed

"Your grace has found me just as I am;

empty handed but alive in your hands"

I love visuals like this:) I come to Him with nothing; without him I am dirty and worthless with nothing to hold onto; I have absolutely nothing to offer- an absolute mess.

But with Him, I hold a love I cannot even fathom, a security to place my hope in, a mercy and grace to free me from the captivity of my sins, wisdom to live in His word, compassion for others and their hearts, and a yearning to share his love with others. He is the one thing that is constant; the one thing of which I can be certain:) In all things, He is good. He is always good. But if I don't allow Him to hold me in His hands like the child I am, I can't see this, I don't understand it, I don't want to understand, I become afraid, I am lazy, and I begin to worry; I am not alive without Him, and this I can say from some seeerious experience. 

Headed to the lake today for David's grad party. The weather is a tad gloomy, but with the Gridleys, that is never a reason to get spirits down:) 

Seems like everyone is a little cranky today. Or maybe I'm the cranky one. Can't really tell, but I'll work on it. Besides, only 3 days until I leave for Beach Project. No reason to let the world get me down. 

It's going to be pretty weird not being able to write every few days this summer. Unless I can manage to find  a computer somewhere. I've kinda grown to enjoy all this blogging:) I am pretty pumped to be away from Facebook, though. Sometimes, I just can't handle it. Creeping on people isn't the best use of my time I've decided. Maybe I'll limit it to getting on like twice a week from here on out. hm.. I'll keep you posted on how that one goes over.

enjoy the day:)

his love.

j-o-y day four-ish,five-ish,etc.

Slacking major on the listing of joy project.. There's just too much of it to keep up with, haha, but seeeeriously.. The past week has probably been one of the most exciting, especially for little ole' Milledgeville:)

hm, right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table, watching dad and mom clean out all the cabinets..at 9 am, haha, parents are awesome. They just found some old purple wine glasses I used to have tea parties with, and mom says they'll give them to me when I get married. Not sure I'd want to drink out of them after all this tiiiiiime, but I do love things of the past--antiques, photos, jewelry. It's fascinating. Dad found my grandma's pocketbook from right before she passed in 2002, and there was a little business-sized card that read, "If we meet and you forget me, you have lost nothing: but if you meet JESUS CHRIST and forget him you have lost everything." Talk about putting your heart to rest. She loved the Lord, and is in heaven. :)

okay, okay, okay, I'll get to the pieces of joy now before I run out of time. Got alllllll kinds of errons to run, a wedding to attend, and then David's graduation party at the lake all day tomorrow. Gosh, can't believe he's done with high school. And bay will be an 8th grader. Fourteen this year.. what the heck, time! Where you goin?.. and there I go rambling, once again.

joy:)

1) watching friends swing from a branch way up in a tree and into a muddy lake. Ah, and getting them on video:)

2) playing volleyball every night the past week. Not my forte, but being on a team named Oregon Trail and performing motions after every point for sure surpasses any reason not to play.

3) jogging through Milledgeville by myself, and being able to think, a lot:)

4) working in the Mac media lab from 9 am to 5 pm, sweet.

5) cookouts with the neighbs

6) listening to bay talk about her friends and watching recordings of their little choreographed dances. Talk about deja vu. Instead of dancing to Bewitched and Sugar Beats, they're grooving to some sweet Miley Cyrus and Jonas Brothers, haha.

7) recieving a phone call with "Circle of Life" blaring through the speaker. Thank you, Jacob and David. ha.

8) driving home from school with Kirk and getting stuck behind every slow driver that has ever existed, ever. Testing my patience, that's good.

9) watching Bride Wars and eating cookie dough icecream with mom and bay

10) reading Breaking Free and filling up the quote journal, yeeees:) ps. great book, definitely reccommend it

well, as promised, I've run out of time. I'm sure it'll be pieces of joy overload after this weekend.

:)

mm, and a little tid bit from today's devotional, piece of joy number eleven:

- realize your great qualities and be fully you
- realize how much God loves you
- realize He created your inmost being
- realize He has laid His hand upon you
- realize His right hand will hold you fast
- realize His promises never fail

mm hmm.

his love.

hey there, day three :D

Ya'll.. I have seriously got to get out of this rut of thinking I don't need to keep my room tidy. Oie veh. I guess I figure since I'll be leaving for sweet Daytona Beach Wednesday morning (ah :)) that I don't need to put away my belongings because I'll be packing them. That thought is a disaster waiting to happen. 

Either way, I cannot believe leaving for Summer Beach Project is so soon! It just snuck right up on me.. Gosh, but I feel so ready. God's really made it even more clear that this is where he wants me this summer--he's calmed my heart, settled my mind, and pushed away any doubt. Funny how satan tries to get so many little insecurities to prevent my genuinely enjoying the preparation for this outreach. But you know what? I won't, I refuuuuuuse to let him worry my life away:)

I feel like I've talked to a good many people who've gone with this program to get their takes on SBP, and still I have no earthly idea what to expect. I know it's going to be intense, but I also know His love is going to be thriving. Absolutely thriving:) I love it. 

Maybe I should explain why I..er, God actually, chose to send me to outreach with this awesome team-- 

I have always loved the Lord. I grew up in a christian home, filled with tons of love. I always kind of lived according to fitting into this idealistic image, though. Becoming what others wanted of me, what others expected, selfish ways, and a failed attempt to be perfect became my idol. Naturally, my morals and values have been tested over the years, and even more natural was my choice to sin. Now, I could have probably lived with the sin that began erasing my values one by one, but something just didn't sit right; my heart literally grew weary, and it felt this way every minute I turned to the things of this Earth to revive it. So, as sweet, sweet(ha) freshman year of college came around, I was again tested, again failed, and the cycle continued, until it just clicked. This was not the life planned for me. This was not me. And suddenly I realized it wasn't meant to be about me anymore; it wasn't that way in the first place. 

--I like this quote from Breaking Free, " God knows exactly what went wrong, exactly where the cracks are in the foundation. He was there, remember? He was completely God then, and He is completely God now"-Beth Moore

I began to sort-of grasp what it meant to truly follow God, but never quite got it until this past year (not to say I don't have so, so much to learn). I've come to understand that..

love is not selfish, not in any form or fashion-- kind of a no brainer, huh? But still, it was a struggle. Speaking of, the struggles are God in His finest hour:), no? We come to Him on our knees, knowing there is no where else to turn. What a beautiful mess:)Just because I love him does not mean I am free to live a life without some serious pain, grief, and failure. It also doesn't mean I'm free from being held accountable for sin. Yes, he loves me, and he forgives me when I confess my nuuuumerous sins daily, but it doesn't mean I'm off the hook by any means--there's going to be consequences, just like any other mistake I might make. Oh, lately I've for sure learned the importance behind reading the Bible. Gosh, what a difference it makes. Ya'll, it's God's life:) It's our one way to meet Him, get to know Him, and learn to be like and love like he did and continues to do. mm:) Ah, and prayer. Just meditating on Him and talking to Him is truly awesome. Not to mention how powerful and real it is. 

The real point I knew I absolutely could not just sit and dwell in His love without reaching out to others came this past sememster. I was lazy in faith and much too comfortable; comfortably dull-- in spirit, heart, and even love. Doors were opened, many were slammed right in my face (haha, thank you Lord for getting me throuuuugh), but I signed up for Beach Project, and then found this bible verse in Jeremiah; ah, I love it--

 "But if I say, " I will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot" (Jer. 20:9)

and so, here goes nothin'..and by nothing, I mean somethin'--a whoooole lotta' somethin:)

ps. pieces of joy coming tomorrow, it's 12:17 at night..wayyyy past my little bedtime, haha, gosh I'm such a grandma.

his love:)

Day 2:)

loooungin' in the sweet new apt with my tae. we're both facebook stalking..it's a burden. so I decided to turn to blogging, which isn't much better, is it? haha, whoops:)

hm, lots of joy to note.

i'm not very good at keeping track of the days, so I may just combine a few here and there. either way, it's joy, people! 

1) girl time

2) roomie feasts of rotissarie chicken, green beans, rolls, cheesy rice and brocoli, mash potatoes, and spilling barbecue sauce everywhere while trying to shake the(open)bottle. haha, yes.

3) volleyball in the sand with goofballs. Taylor in particular with her sweet sound effects. And mandy's sweet backwards fall...not to mention my falling every second the ball managed to make contact with my forearms.

4) driving my sister to school this morning and her not being able to unlock the door, hehe:)

5) trying to half-hug my dad without touching any of his scars/wounds. Talk about an awkward hug, haha. I love it.

6) trying to paint a heart on my phone with barbie pink nail polish and failing miserably multiple times. Note to self: fingernail polish remover DOES in fact work on cell phones.

7) writing thank you notes, and having written the words in straight lines:) thank you very much!

8) taylor's laughter

9) setting my ringtone as 'earth mamma' -- is there even a song named that?..I sort of hope not, for the artists sake.

10) Jason coming to visit tomorrow:)

11) late night (10 o'clock being late..) chats with sweet mandy and em. 

12) kirk shaving off his mo, i mean, FOhawk. Thank you, Lord.

:)

ah, and bonus piece of joy 13) Sam sleeping with ear plugs, ahahah...i'm talkin the ear plugs you wear to Nascar races.

why stop at 13?.. if this isn't joy, I don't know what is: 14) Deut. 14 "...Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you to be his treasured posession." is that not awesome? gosh.

be seeing you- 

his love.

ps. dad is doing great after the surg. thanks for checking in on him:)

Day 1 O' Joy

totally stealing this from sweet Mandy Boddy, but thought it was a cute idea. Atleast for the last week-ish I'll be able to use a computer daily. :) each day i'll list 6 pieces of joy:)or more. I probably already have that many for today, and it's only 1:28 PM. Do I have to wait until night-time to list them? maybe i'll cheat, just this once:) 2 posts in one day perhaps?.. wow. Getting just a tad obsessed with all this social-networking, aie?

so here we go for the first half of today:)

pieces of j-o-y

1) my alarm going off at 7:50 am, and getting to turn it off without even worrying about an official wake-up time (slept in till 9:15, mm!)

2) drinking coffee and reading on the back porch. oh, and eating raisins

3) writing 3 pages in my journal, and finding only a few pages to be left

4) trying on a bunch of 80's one piece bathing suits of my mom's for Summer Beach Project, ahaha.. definitely some humor there. i like laughter with mom:)

5) gettings texts from my little sister asking how dad has been doing after the surgery. her heart's a big one.

6) listening to By Your Side by tenth avenue north. it's a pretty popular song, er atleast i think so, but the lyrics are great:) i'll post 'em.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

mm:)

hislove.

castaway

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

hm.

sitting in the hospital room with my dad right now, almost ironic considering last night's finale of Greys Anatomy. he had to have an emergency surgery on his poor little appendix. the dang thing almost ruptured, but all's well now...just lying there sleeping, and sleeping,...and sleeping. 

this is such a weird experience for me though, i've never seen my own father like this--so..vulnerable, really. even though he's going to be fine, it's just a scary thing. watching someone you love so much kind of being helpless. 

 

mom is resting on the sweet, stiff couch. she's been up since 1 am last night with him. "in sickness and in health" she loves him. :)and i love that.

 

this morning i woke up to a text from mom (never thought that day would come) that said " dad in hospital, surgery at 8:30". probably my least favorite text..ever. so, packed my things, grabbed a yogurt, and hit the road..in my pjs. i don't think i've ever felt so..anxious before on a ride home. it was like this sense of urgency to get here as fast as i possibly could. 

all safety measures aside, i did exactly that. made record time, too:)

 

i couldn't decide if i was scared, worried, anxious, unsure--maybe a mixture of the bunch, but either way i wasn't in control of this situation. really, i shouldn't be in control of any situation. God had it, and still has it. 

 

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17     ...yeaaah, he's got it:)

his love.