Ya'll.. I have seriously got to get out of this rut of thinking I don't need to keep my room tidy. Oie veh. I guess I figure since I'll be leaving for sweet Daytona Beach Wednesday morning (ah :)) that I don't need to put away my belongings because I'll be packing them. That thought is a disaster waiting to happen.
Either way, I cannot believe leaving for Summer Beach Project is so soon! It just snuck right up on me.. Gosh, but I feel so ready. God's really made it even more clear that this is where he wants me this summer--he's calmed my heart, settled my mind, and pushed away any doubt. Funny how satan tries to get so many little insecurities to prevent my genuinely enjoying the preparation for this outreach. But you know what? I won't, I refuuuuuuse to let him worry my life away:)
I feel like I've talked to a good many people who've gone with this program to get their takes on SBP, and still I have no earthly idea what to expect. I know it's going to be intense, but I also know His love is going to be thriving. Absolutely thriving:) I love it.
Maybe I should explain why I..er, God actually, chose to send me to outreach with this awesome team--
I have always loved the Lord. I grew up in a christian home, filled with tons of love. I always kind of lived according to fitting into this idealistic image, though. Becoming what others wanted of me, what others expected, selfish ways, and a failed attempt to be perfect became my idol. Naturally, my morals and values have been tested over the years, and even more natural was my choice to sin. Now, I could have probably lived with the sin that began erasing my values one by one, but something just didn't sit right; my heart literally grew weary, and it felt this way every minute I turned to the things of this Earth to revive it. So, as sweet, sweet(ha) freshman year of college came around, I was again tested, again failed, and the cycle continued, until it just clicked. This was not the life planned for me. This was not me. And suddenly I realized it wasn't meant to be about me anymore; it wasn't that way in the first place.
--I like this quote from Breaking Free, " God knows exactly what went wrong, exactly where the cracks are in the foundation. He was there, remember? He was completely God then, and He is completely God now"-Beth Moore
I began to sort-of grasp what it meant to truly follow God, but never quite got it until this past year (not to say I don't have so, so much to learn). I've come to understand that..
love is not selfish, not in any form or fashion-- kind of a no brainer, huh? But still, it was a struggle. Speaking of, the struggles are God in His finest hour:), no? We come to Him on our knees, knowing there is no where else to turn. What a beautiful mess:)Just because I love him does not mean I am free to live a life without some serious pain, grief, and failure. It also doesn't mean I'm free from being held accountable for sin. Yes, he loves me, and he forgives me when I confess my nuuuumerous sins daily, but it doesn't mean I'm off the hook by any means--there's going to be consequences, just like any other mistake I might make. Oh, lately I've for sure learned the importance behind reading the Bible. Gosh, what a difference it makes. Ya'll, it's God's life:) It's our one way to meet Him, get to know Him, and learn to be like and love like he did and continues to do. mm:) Ah, and prayer. Just meditating on Him and talking to Him is truly awesome. Not to mention how powerful and real it is.
The real point I knew I absolutely could not just sit and dwell in His love without reaching out to others came this past sememster. I was lazy in faith and much too comfortable; comfortably dull-- in spirit, heart, and even love. Doors were opened, many were slammed right in my face (haha, thank you Lord for getting me throuuuugh), but I signed up for Beach Project, and then found this bible verse in Jeremiah; ah, I love it--
"But if I say, " I will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot" (Jer. 20:9)
and so, here goes nothin'..and by nothing, I mean somethin'--a whoooole lotta' somethin:)
ps. pieces of joy coming tomorrow, it's 12:17 at night..wayyyy past my little bedtime, haha, gosh I'm such a grandma.
his love:)
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